My first steps into motherhood

"Making the decision to have a child it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go outside your body" ~ Elizabeth Stone

We have been blessed and lucky.

We are expecting our first child sometime in early May if everything goes well.

Being all of eight weeks pregnant I have little advice to give others, but I sure do have a long list of things that I wish someone had let me in on prior to getting pregnant.

Like:

Why did no one really explain the aching tender masses that my boobs would become?

Why did no one tell me that my uterus would take over my lower abdomen by force causing pain in every smooth ligament I own there?

Why did no one mention the overwhelming need to sleep a gazillion hours a day?

Why did no one tell me that despite this sleep I would still feel tired all the time?

And Why didn't some one tell me that the first appointment would include my pap and a blood draw?

Lucky for me I was able to get into my first midwife appointment already and confirm that everything seems to be going fine. However, I was disappointed by the literature that I was given. It had an extremely condescending tone which was the opposite of the words and actions of my midwife. Guess that I will be buying a few of my own baby books and using the internet for information.

Also I will be going for a dating ultrasound soon. This is so that we can have an accurate "due date".

I have long cycles of 39-47 days, meaning I also don't have the same ovulation schedule as those who have regular 30 day cycles. We know the date that I was likely ovulating and our midwife is currently using that date instead of the start date of my last period to give us our "due date". At least until we get our dating ultrasound in.

Here is to our new adventure "Motherhood".

Out with the Old ...

In with the new mindset.

So, here I am on the cusp of the thing that I have wanted most from the time I turned 16.

Motherhood.

That one word means so much to me. To me it is the center of what I want my life to be. To be blessed with the gift of children. To raise and love the next generation. 

But, I will admit it is one of the things I fear most. Personal demons keep me paralyzed and waiting. What if I'm a bad mom, what if I can't conceive, what if there isn't the money for baby...

However, personal demons aside, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that it is time to start this new chapter in our lives together. We have been preparing for the last year; finances, better job, buying a new house, vitamins, exercise, trying to lose weight and get healthy. We have checked all the boxes we really wanted to off and now we are believe we maybe ready to take the irreversible leap.

We are now trying to conceive. 

Home

We are finally settled into our new home!

 This is our 4 bedroom, 2 bathroom, saltbox style dream on 31 acres in Western New York.

Now it is time to start personalizing.

Progression

The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.  ~Henry David Thoreau

I have been learning a lot on this leg of my journey. We have made offers, been both accepted and rejected, inspected and most of all waited. Because of all this I have determined that buying a house is the single longest and most patience wearing experience I have had yet. 

Part of that is because there is no given out come and there are so many possible hold ups and jumps, hoops, and loops to go through. All while your hopes, dreams, and wishes sit and wither with little information to feed them.

So far the house we are currently offering on has accepted our offer and passed inspection. Now it just has to pass appraisal and a water flow test. Then we will hopefully go into closing on May 29th!  This would get us into our new home before June.

 Who would have thought when we started on this course back in September with an interview that it could take this long to reach our first real resting space.

Stepping Forward

We are so accustomed to getting what we want that sometimes we forget there are other options.

I feel like that about the first house I fell in love with, and wanted to live in. 

I wanted it so bad I could taste it. I hoped, wished, prayed, and waited. And not getting that house made me feel bitter for a day or so. 

However, I am lucky and we have a really good realtor who has found me another house to love.

I am lucky that she has read my heart and soul, and seems to understand and know just what I need from the house I want to make into a home for my family. 

I am lucky that on this pathway there are many options and routes to follow. Places to wander and wonder at the grace and love shown to me in this life.

The Beginning

"If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all. " ~Dan Rather

As it stands I am currently waiting.
I am on the cusp of what could be a defining moment in this journey called life.

I am stopped in this moment. I am taking in this pause along the pathway.
It has me considering where my life is heading and wondering how long it will take me to get there.

I am waiting to find out if we are going to be able to buy our first home.
I am trying to be patient as I find out if my recent dreams of turning a cute little house into a welcoming place of rest and comfort can come true.

I am hoping and wishing to own this place.
A place where the soil is deep and healthy for my family tree to grow big and strong.
It is a place I see myself starting a family, raising my children, and growing old.

But, before any of that can happen there is first this time of waiting, this is a beginning.