Five Minute Friday: Small

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Small

Ten little fingers and ten tiny toes
It has been a wonder to see how fast she grows

She was born and my life changed
It both shrank and it grew

The sleep is sneaking back into my nights

The sweetest of giggles has started to fill up my days

Rolling over has become our new form of play

I am seeing old things for the first time

With a perspective so new

Who knew that adding one thing so small

Could change my whole world view

Five Minute Friday: Story

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Story

There are the parts we share openly. The words known by many told easily without hesitation. Shared with little reservation and held as public knowledge by those who seek you. 

The parts we share with a close few. Held deeper in the heart. Told in soft whispers over a glass of wine, cup of coffee, or bowl of ice cream. Things that hurt to say but help us heal with the telling.

Then there are the parts that hurt to tell. Held so tight that only those we know on the deepest level are allowed to see, if anyone is allowed to see our shadow parts at all.

But, it takes all of these parts to tell our true story. All of these bits make up the character of you. Each of us has a unique tail to tell in this life, so keep your head up and try to come to peace with all of the parts to your story.

Five Minute Friday: Broken

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Broken

Our collective outlook on women’s healthy bodies is broken. 

We see the size zero models and berate ourselves for not looking like them. They are held up as an impossible ideal. Tv and movie stars don’t make things any easier. 

As a society we fat shame and slut shame. We brake down others to make sure that we  propitiate self hate and the commercial ideal of beauty. All this so women will feel insecure and try to buy their beauty.

But the broken thing is we can’t buy beauty, you have to own it. You have to have confidence in your body and looks, something that is hard to do when all of society is trying to tell you that your not “pretty” enough, “small” enough, “fit” enough. 

Well I say enough is enough ladies. 

It is time we take back the ideal. 

It’s time we tell each other that we are beautiful because we are. Each in our own unique way that we each need to own our beauty and show it to the world. We need to build each other up, take the compliments, and start the healing.

Yes, we are broken. But, we can fix this one positive thought and confident example at a time.

Five Minute Friday: In Between

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: In Between

That time when things are quite and I have a moment or more to be myself. 

Those times when there isn’t a diaper to be changed, a nursing session in progress, or little one in need of holding.

This is the time when I am regaining the feeling of being me. Reading, Writing, Listening to music, finding time to worship and more. It is when I am reuniting with the person I have been before becoming a mother. It is these moments that I grow more comfortable in my ability to be and live.

This is also the time when I contemplate life. Where I am in it. Where my little family is in it. Where my extended family is in it. I question how we will face the new challenges we have been handed. 

This is the time that I contemplate the why and unfairness of life. 

The shortness of our time together no matter how long it is. 

This is the time when I fall apart and put myself back together before I am needed again to move forward in life. Needed to be present and in full gear without a shadow of my fear showing on my face, no trace of how I feel in my moments in between. 

Five Minute Friday: Rhythm

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Rhythm

One month. So fast and so slow...

Fast in the heart of a new mama who has spent years wishing and hoping for this season of life.

Slow are the days and hours filled with a new routine that has a completely different rhythm

 from the dance done in days past. 

So quickly things have changed, but I would not change them back for anything. 

I will take the early mornings and broken sleep, inorder to burry my nose in newborn little girl hair. 

I will feed and change and bounce, to see my little girl smile and coo. 

I will not wish away these days no matter the dance they bring. 

Bring on the new rhythm and let us learn this dance daughter, 

together we will not just get by in this season of life we will thrive. 

Five Minute Friday: Listen

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Listen

I’m straining, trying so hard to hear the rise and fall of that little chest without peaking into the bassinet. 
Please, please let her be asleep, but only asleep. Just for a little while longer.

Let me hear the sounds of her life for as long as there is breath in me. 

There, there it is ... the crunching of tires on gravel, reinforcements have arrived. 

Full of love and laughter, freedom and food. They don’t know that this sleepy mama really needed them desperately today, they just wanted to see the baby. But, thats okay cause it means a chance to sit still and breath for mama and maybe just maybe a precious nap till it’s time to nurse again.

Reassurance pours from the man in my life,
 and I cling to the words he says trying to listen with my whole heart and believe. 

You’re a good mom. 

She is lucky to have you. 

She loves you. 

Five Minute Friday: Fall

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Fall

I didn’t know it was going to happen, I suspected but I didn’t know. 

That moment when they laid her in my arms, my heart stopped. 

And when it started again it was changed. 

Altered in a way that will never be undone. 

I felt myself fall in love. 

I’ve embraced this fall far better than I have other major events in my life.

 Maybe because I waited so long and fought so hard for this one. 

Finish high-school. Go to college. Get married. Live a little. Buy a house. 

I waited and did the things I was “suppose” to do. 

Eat right. Exercise. Lose weight. 

Become healthy. Take vitamins. Take your temperature. 

Prepare your mind, body, and soul. Prepare your marriage and husband. 

Carry life, grow life. Protect the right of that life to chose when to enter our world.

Then there she was.

 Warm, pink, live and well, with a head full of hair and skin that was oh so soft.

I fell so hard in love with my daughter that my world has taken on a new rotation,
 the stars are still spinning, and life as I knew it will never be again.

Five Minute Friday: Imagine

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Imagine

For the longest time it was all I could do. 

Think about what could be, how it would feel, how it would smell, how I would react. 

There was no reality, just the ability to imagine how motherhood would change me. The ability to think about how my body and mind would change. How a little one might look like me or act like me. 

Now, well now it’s real. She does and doesn’t look like me. She is and isn’t like me. She is better than I could imagine. More joy than I could ever have believed. Ten years of waiting has been worth it. 

She feels so soft. 

She smells so sweet. 

She brings the light to each of my days.

Imagining could never compare to reality on this one. 

My beautiful little girl is everything I’ve imagined over ten years and more ... 

Five Minute Friday: View

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

(Sorry, for the delay this week but there was a new addition to our family)

Prompt Word: View

It’s amazing to me how in a few short days motherhood has changed my out look. 
Life is no longer about me. Friends and even Family can be put on hold when this little girl has some thing she needs. 
She has become the center of my world, one of the only things I can see. 

My view of the world has come to encompass my little bundle of joy, her daddy, and myself. 
We are a new little family. 
We care for each other and together we are figuring out our new normal. Some moments are full of happiness and joy, others I’d rather be anywhere but listening to this dear one scream over something I can’t quite get figured out.

She has already brought me so high, her birth being something I have looked forward to for almost ten years. 
Every little smile, sigh, and hand held brings me joy. 

She has also brought me so low reminding me that I am not always going to be able to have things the way I want them.
Particularly, if I am going to meet the needs of someone else. 
Every fussy period, cry, and tomato red screaming face makes me feel sad and upset.

This little ray of sunshine has a few storm clouds surrounding her, but I would not trade one minute I’ve had. 
Looking just like her daddy in almost every way this little girl with my nose has changed my life 
and I can’t wait to continue to enjoy the new view.

Five Minute Friday: Song

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Song

The sound of uplifted voice and instrument together. Such an anchor to the pacing of my day. Sounds that guide, heal, and remind. The joy that reaches my heart and brings a smile to my face.

Today has been a day of expectant waiting.Listening to tune after tune as I wait for my little one to decide when to arrive. I clean and organize while soft sweet music accompanies my steps. These rhythms fill my life. Just as new physical and emotional rhythms soon will. 

The discovery of new sounds to improve or enhance my moods is one of constant enjoyment, one I hope to soon share with this little one who will be entering my life and bring me so many new opportunities to explore so many new things.

I must remember to sing in my heart for the time is near for this phase of life I have waited so long for, letting joy ring out from me as I welcome this baby, letting my song be happy and heard by all so that they may share and sing along.

Five Minute Friday: Comfort

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Comfort

Calling and knowing he will pick up the phone. Knowing he will be there when I need him. Him holding me in his strong capable arms when trouble arises and I need to cry before putting myself back together to do battle. His strength lays in his ability to see me fall apart and put myself back together a million times in a moment and never judge me weak or incapable.

 His hand holding mine, conveying that he is there for me whatever I need. His smile reassuring me that things will be okay no matter what because he is there. The tender way he rubs my feet to make things tolerable and me comfortable about having to lay down give up some of my personal power and wait for others to make decisions.The way his head and hands rest on our child as we wait and wait and wait for the doctors to give us a verdict as to my health and baby’s. The kisses on my hands and temple to remind me he cares beyond words for me and this little family we will become.

The fierce knight he becomes when he knows I am being pushed beyond my limits. The moments I see that he cares on such a deep level and truly is willing to fight every battle I need him too, even if I never call him to action. His ability to support me simply by being near me. No word necessary, a touch, a look, a kiss, a comfort as we stand together is all of this. 

Love, without boundaries.

My dear and wonderful husband.

Five Minute Friday: Brave

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Brave

Such a short word for such a big concept. 

We are all brave in our own small ways. Each of us uses the courage we have to face doing things during our days and over the course of our lives that we do not believe we can over come until we do them.

We are unable to see our strength until it is tested. Sometimes over and over again. We don’t give ourselves credit for being able to continue, to keep doing, for just being who we are. 

We sit without giving our selves credit for all that we do and all that we face because to us each day is ordinary and we get through it, nothing to get excited about, nothing too special, no reason to celebrate. 

Yet each day is special. Each task is important. Each triumph should be celebrated. 

You are brave, because you keep doing, going, being with courage. 

And sometimes the we are the most brave when we reach out and ask for the help of others, because that my friend takes true courage. Admitting that we are weak and need help is the hardest task, because we can be rejected or ignored. Which can leave us feeling even weaker than before we asked for help. But, if you need help keep asking ... keep being brave, someone will help.

Five Minute Friday: Friend

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Friend

That person you reach for when your emotions run high. 

The phone call you can make anytime day or night. 

The comfort of knowing that someone cares unconditionally.

That person who chooses to be there for you time after time, even when they can see that your going to crash and burn. 

That person who could be family if the genetics lotto had chosen people who were always meant to support each other to be family.

 A Friend.

This is the person I am missing in my life, that female friend I can tell anything too. That woman who cares for me past her own involvement in my life. The one who wants the details. That wants to hang out, get my phone call, support and be supported. That woman who has my back aways. 

Someone who puts me first in her friendship line. 

Someone to watch girly movies, drink wine and eat ice cream with when things go wrong. Or sit and have coffee with when a problem needs working out. Or connect over cocktails and celebrate together in any number of ways the milestones of our lives.

Birthdays, Holidays, Vacations, Girls Nights Out, secrets shared and histories swapped. 

But, somehow in twenty six years this female best friend has eluted me. Sure I’ve had female friends, and I was even lucky to once have a male best friend (till the end of high school), but none of my friendships with women have been lasting committed relationships

 ... none of them has wanted or needed a best-friend.

 And me, I’m getting to the point of loosing hope that I will find a female friend or even a small group of women to fill these needs. I desperately want to be this friend for someone and have the love I am willing to share be returned. 

I’m searching and waiting, but like with all things in my life not very patiently, to build a true friendship. For a woman who wants someone to be their best friend to come into my life and stay.

Five Minute Friday: Jump

  

So I'm going to try something new. I'm going to try writing for the sake of writing here on the blog as an out let, no information or guidance today, just raw unfiltered emotion.

The Deal:

One of my favorite bloggers is Lisa-Jo Baker and one of my favorite things to read is her real raw unedited posts Five Minute Fridays. So this week I "jumped" in and am starting to participate. I felt that the prompt today was just what I needed to remind me of what I need to do if I want to change where I am and the rut I was letting myself get stuck in.

So here it is just like she says; 

"No extreme editing; no worrying about perfect grammar, font, or punctuation. 

Unscripted. Unedited. Real."

Prompt Word: Jump

Live life to the fullest, don’t look just jump. 

Sure it’s scary as hell when you know you have a plan and want to stick to it but, if you don’t take the risk of a fall then you don’t take the opportunity to receive reward. We can plan to our hearts content, but if we don’t take the chance and jump into actual action we will never truly move forward. Never see where our planning could go, never reap any of the possibilities we have sown. 

Life is scary. Life is hard. But when you leap into the unknown and embrace the rush, this is life. This is living. Take the chance. Act like you have no one else to think about and jump into the world of possibilities. Show your passion for living. Allow no others to hold you back and keep you where you are. Life and living is about going forward, not just looking there but going, doing, being a part of today and tomorrow.

Have you been stuck?  If so jump. Take action. Move. Change. 

It’s not easy to jump but it is something we all need to do from time to time to keep us moving forward in life. If we don’t jump forward with gusto every once in a while we get stuck in the past and not enough in the right now. 

So jump friends, jump with your whole heart and embrace the possibility of the fall.

And with that action you just may find that you fly.

Pregnancy: Second Trimester Tips and Tricks

As promised a post on the second trimester.

Second Trimester tips and tricks.

Please remember that these are all things that worked for me but, may not work for you.

All medical and health advice should be run past your health care professional of choice.

So this is the trimester of real change. Your body starts to show others that your really on this journey and you will have a lot of decisions to make.

This trimester necessitated the buying of some new (to me) clothing. But, I was at a loss as to what I would really need. Sure there are all kinds of lists out there that tell you what you "must have", but I didn't have the budget or the fashion savvy to really get a lot of high end maternity stuff that I may or may not ever wear after this pregnancy.

My solution was to find a wonderful second hand maternity and baby store and learn a few tricks. I then picked up a short list of items to get me started. Then I picked up the rest of what I needed over time as I realized I needed them. I also continued to pull whatever I could from my previous closet for as long as I could.

My overall list at the end of the second and start of the third trimester looked like this.

Maternity clothing

Black sweater (second hand store) 

Purple sweater (second hand store)

Green sweater (from previous closet)

Black cardigan (from previous closet)

Long sleeve white tee (Target maternity section)

Black v neck tee (borrowed from sister)

Black polo tee (second hand store)

Purple crew neck tee (second hand store)

Graphic tropical tee (second hand store)

Teal tunic tee (from previous closet)

Gray pattern tunic tee (from previous closet)

Multi colored tunic tee (from previous closet)

Black dress pants (second hand store)

Black leggings (Target, one size up from normal)

Maternity jeans (bought online Motherhood Maternity)

Teal print dress (from previous closet)

Sweat suit (already had as gift from husband)

Soft night shirt (already had as gift to self)

La Leche League nursing bras. One sleep, one not (bought on sale through Zulily)

6 pairs of large soft stretchy boy-short underwear (Walmart, originally bought for hiking)

The only thing I would not buy again is the black polo tee, I never wear it and it just hangs there sadly. I always think I'm going to like a polo shirt but never really wear them. Lesson learned going forward I guess. Biggest things I wish I had is a nice white button down, a little black dress, and maybe a green tee instead of the black polo. Oh and more underwear, it is hard to get to the end of the wash week with what I have.

The next big to do was figuring out some parenting decisions and setting up (one or more) registries. 

For us we have made what I keep referring to as "the big three" parenting decisions early.  To me the big three choices you must make are:

"Feeding Choice, Waste Management, Sleeping Arrangements."

Once these are made you can start deciding what you need for baby and where you want to get them. 

Our personal decisions are that we want to try and go with:

 Breastfeeding, Cloth/G Diapers, and (at first) a bassinet. 

We ended up registering in two places for the convenance of other people. 

We chose Amazon and Babies R Us.

While there are tons of lists and guides to help with figuring out what you need for baby and how much gear to get we found that we wanted minimal amounts of things and did not want a lot of stuff taking over our house and limited vehicle space when we travel.  We also found lots of lists and lots of tips as we tried to condense things into a minimal amount of new baby stuff for a diaper bag as well. 

So "our minimal" baby preparedness registry looks like this. 

Home:

Diapers (cloth x 36)

Wipes (cloth x 40)

Spray-bottle

Wipe solution (home made)

 Diaper cream (cloth safe)

Diaper sprayer

Diaper Spray Pal

Large trashcan with lid

Big size wet bag (x2)

Nursing pillow with water proof shield and cover (x2)

Nursing stool

Nursing tank (x3 black, white, color?)

Water bottle

Nipple Cream (natural)

Booby Tubes (one set)

Nursing pads (one pack)

Itzbeen Timer (cause I love technology)

Burp cloths (minimum of x6)

Bassinet with veil

Sheets (x4)

Swaddle blankets (x3)

Receiving blankets (x4)

Heavy blanket

Lovie  and/or Pacie

Sound machine 

Thermometer (rectal is best)

Nail Clippers (with the helpful little magnifying glass so you can see)

Hooded towel

Baby washcloths (x4)

Bath kit

Bath toys (1, 2, 3)

Exercise ball and yoga floor mat

Graco's swing/bouncer combo

Graco's newborn bassinet and diaper changer Pack n Play

Wooden play-gym and floor mat

Play gym toys to rotate (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Tummy floor mat toys to rotate (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

other toys (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Bouncer that folds flat with toy bar

Jumper

Travel:

Sugar Snap Car- Go (to store in vehicle)

Change of clothing for; baby, mommy, and daddy

Diapers (x2)

Wipes, in case (x5)

Carseat (with extra base for 2nd vehicle)

Stroller with Adapter 

Baby Wrap or Carrier

Travel Crib

Activity Chair

Highchair 

Diaper Bag (any nice size bag/purse will work)

Sugar Snap Files (makes any bag a diaper bag)

Changing pad ( again helps make any bag a diaper bag)

Diapers (x2)

Wipes (x5)

Diaper Cream (the other jar)

Wet Bag small (for dirty clothing)

Wet Bag Medium (for dirty diapers)

Hand-sanitizer

Mini first aid kit

Tissues

Bottle of water

Mints

Snacks

Scarf (or other nursing cover)

1 set of the breast pad pack above

 Wallet

Burp cloths (x3)

Swaddle blanket (this is where the 4th one from the pack of 4 disappeared to)

Stroller/ Carseat blanket

Ground blanket

Sophie and/or other toys of choice

Lovie and/or Pacie

Nap-time sound machine

Board book of choice

Other than that we didn't do a lot in the second trimester, but we did do a lot in the third trimester so stay tuned for another update on that soon!